Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
