guys are not supposed to queef...right?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
