Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
