i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
