'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
