People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Found your dick twin last night
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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