Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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