My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
