why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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