She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
