How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
