I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
