Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
do nipples grow back?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
