My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's shark week go big or go home
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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