Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
