What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
