I just saw a hot homeless man
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Randomize
