LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
