he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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