i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
