my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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