Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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