When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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