shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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