i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
