FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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