Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
