I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
