I'm sorry my penis didn't work
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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