I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
