We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
