Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sext me about skeletons
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
