life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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