I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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