I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
