I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
