The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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