In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
