2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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