Apparently you make a good broom.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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