i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
