Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize