so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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