Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Ladies don't puke and tell
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
