Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
