I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize