he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
