my sisters under your porch take her home
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
