my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
