He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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