she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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