i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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