tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
