I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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