I wish my penis had an off switch
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
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