Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
This gyro tastes like lonliness
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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