i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
