I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
