i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
