"it" just moved
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
