Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize