I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
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