Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
