Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
His hands were made for my vagina.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
