i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
