That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
