He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
