i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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