My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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