you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
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