Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize