i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
