You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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