Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
