Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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