I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
