I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
