you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
