you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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