Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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