I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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