I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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