I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
