My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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