it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
