Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
