like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
