dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
