just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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