So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
