On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
