Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
