Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
is wine microwaveable?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
