I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
