Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just saw a hot homeless man
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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