Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
