I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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