We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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