I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
