I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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