I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
