i don't like sucking hair
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
