Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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