He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
