Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
